10 Pint Movies: GHOST MYSTERIES

Its a closet

The Pact (2012)

Plot: Rule No7 Don't make pacts, fuckers hold you to them.
Nicole & Annie are sisters whose mother has recently died, neither of them really give a fuck (seems she was a bit of a shit). Nicole is manning up organising the funeral arrangements trying to persuade Annie to turn up, Annie's is a recovering Ex junkie skank, she seems to give even less of a fuck. Just when you're thinking this is some kind of Ken Loach social commentary piece. Nicole Skype's her daughter, struggling to get a good signal on the laptop she walks around the house, trying to talk to her "can you see mommy " her daughter says "yes mommy who's that behind you". A genuinely creepy as fuck moment (I'd already seen it in the trailer but I've seen it twice now and it still creeps me the out). Its a closet.

Smack my bitch up

The house has a mysterious creepy closet and it may be eating people. Next day sister 2 turns up. The skanky bird turns out to be, hot as toast actress Caity Lotz. Shes great and helps us out a lot by spending some time in her skimpies (Is it wrong to perv at a girls ass when shes running in terror frightened for her life).

Weird shit starts to happen in the House, ghostly spooky poltergeist stuff and dreams that seem to be leading her to something. A mystery needs solving who is the woman, what is Judas, what the fuck is going on? I know go to the police they should be able to help. The conversation probably went like this.

A bit of Closet action

"why don't you believe me" "well because we just met & its fucking nuts you think just because you've got nice tits I'll believe anything you .......Oh alright I believe you".

Fortunately Casper Van Dien back from his long tour of duty fighting the bugs for our freedom he seems to have learned a bit of acting along the way and is no longer just a talking cupboard. Hes a cop who helps her out along with a weird psychic friend Stevie.

The mystery evolves, is there an evil spirit in the house, is another spirit helping are they both trying to drive her insane, does it even exist. What is the connection to a serial killer from the past and who is the mysterious woman who keeps appearing

Do I have a nice Arse

Is it good: Yes. It is a pretty good movie the acting is generally to a good standard, especially Stevie the weird psychic & the scene where she first goes to see Stevie with the loud industrial techno playing was a very trippy mindfuck. Plus the reading she does in the house was another genuine creepy moment.

The very human approach of the film adds to its appeal, family problems, repressed issues lead to some quite realistic scenes, she takes a piss on screen, its a natural bodily function that is rarely seen in movies unless its a comedy but then Chuck Berry got in trouble over that kind of filming so the director should watch out. The house is a creepy location that holds the story together well.

Turdige: There's a bit of smell the fart acting a times but nothing major even Casper Van Dien makes a descent effort (If you've ever seen any of his B-movie classics you would agree this is an amazing feat). The change of style from supernatural to natural enemy was a huge shift and makes you feel why does the spirit not fuck up the bad guy that was slightly disappointing & the reason it did not achieve, probably, a deserved higher score.

Overall: A nicely put together low budget supernatural thriller in the vain of Stir of Echos or the fuck Awful Dram House (but don,t let that put you off)

Director: Nicholas McCarthy Cast: Caity Lotz, Casper Van Dien, Agnes Bruckner, Haley Hudson

Similar to: Stir of Echoes (1999) , Gothika (2003), The Return (2006)), Don't Look Now (1973)

UKDVDBluerayUSA Buy/Rent$3.99

Cassadaga (2011)

Plot: Lily (Kelen Coleman) doesn’t have it easy, she’s a few lbs shy of being Milla Kunis, she’s deaf and within 10 mins of the film her sister has become roadkill.

There’s only one thing left to do, fuck off to Cassadaga coincidently the self proclaimed “Psychic Capital of the World”.

Taking a job at a local school to fund a university course she meets Mike (Kevin Alejandro) a single father who seems to use his young daughter as bait to lure in the ladies (dodgy). He takes her on a date and what a date it is, forget the meal for two or a nice rom-com, let’s get tanked up and go see a psychic medium. Not just any medium though a scientifically tested one, you can tell they’re genuine as they have disabilities all the best ones do (Stephen Hawkins and his Dark magic). Lily hears her sister but the séance is interrupted by a dark presence that knocks her & the medium unconscious. Sounds like a bad night but it eventually gets him laid.

The presence attaches itself to her, manifesting as rotten images and a dead girl who is pushing her to a stroke. The medium tells her it is a restless spirit that will not leave till it gets what it wants and the more Lily denies the sprit the more violent it will get eventually killing her.

Ghosts love tits

This leads to a murder mystery to find who the bitch is and what she god damn wants. Throw in a fucked up puppet obsessed serial killer for added spice and you’ve got yourself a right pickle.

Is it good: Yes, the film flows well, story building with intrigue throughout the mystery; the acting is good for an independent horror with no major stars, Kelen?? (Is that a name) carries the film, maybe it’s the deaf thing, but I had empathy for the character straight away, which always helps getting drawn into the story.

The director Anthony DiBlasi made the low budget Dread, a violent kind of disturbing, gem of a movie and this feel is fleshed out with the serial killer element but the movie does have a more TV movie feel in the whole.

I feel a bit guilty as Kelen, Is very attractive she’s in not fat but she does look like Milla Kunis with a bit of chunk, in the tit department it’s all good.

The story is defiantly central and strong throughout it doesn’t get lost (maybe a little sidetracked but not lost) in horror or gore.

Miss Florida 2011

Turdige: There are definitely bits in the film where I think the director forgets she’s deaf, like having the porn of the computer loud but not seeing the images how would she know its porn.

Really; you have two people and you want to do a Rear window type search of the suspected nutcases bedroom, when he could come back at any moment who do you send, of course the deaf girl.

Perhaps it tries to fit too much in, with four separate genres together, murder/mystery, , slasher, love story, haunting , maybe it sells them short not having enough time to establish them all.

In fact they spend so long on the love story (obviously some shit that slasher/ghost movie lovers can do without, jut show us some flesh & we’re happy) that making it irrelevant at the end seemed a pointless waste of time it being there in the first place. If he had returned because the love was too great then maybe it would have made sense.

Cutting that shit out would have meant more time on the other elements. Such as the killer "Gepetto" a great set up & seems a genuinely unique creation (In the slasher vain I mean) definitely disturbing so deserved more air time.

Overall: Similar vain to the Pact 2019, the serial killer in this is more fucked up but the ghost element in the pact way creepier.