10 Pint Movies: THE TRAVELLER (2010) MOVIE REVIEW

The Traveller (2010)

Plot: Someone who looks like Val Kilmer only fatter has mozzied on in a kind of Assault on precinct 13 style, almost abandoned, police station at the festive period. He’s the scruff with no name “The Drifter”.

Confessing to the murder of six people but get this the murders haven't happened yet. The cops think he’s just a mental bellend but cuff him just in case.

Under interrogation he’s one tough dude who may or may not be reminiscent of a tramp they picked up a year earlier in connection to the murder of the sergeants daughter, who they also may or may not have FUBAR’d up the ass.

As his confessions inevitably lead to grisly bloody deaths occurring the cops begin to believe there is an accomplice or is there more to the creepy fucker than meets the eye.

Fatman Forever

Is it good: Not really, but It does have its good points, when you feel drawn into the character before generally deciding it’s just bollocks. The film sometimes has a creepy feel, a gloomy atmosphere and some of the gore is well worked & kind of extreme for what seems like a TV movie. The tongue cutting scene really made me squirm.

Luckily I had zero expectations of the movie

before watching having never heard of it, which helped; I certainly could not have been let down. Honestly if you read other reviews you couldn’t be let down they are all pretty much negative. I don’t think it’s that bad as most say (but it certainly aint great).

Your gonna need a bigger gun

Turdige: It’s unfair to criticise, everyone puts on a few pounds when they get older, except for me but I’m probably dying from some undiscovered venereal wasting disease.

It’s not unfair however to criticise his mumbling shitty performance. Kilmer plays it like some tired, ironic dying poet “confessing” with stories of how he murdered the six. Its a low but not his worst.

Kilmer must really hate Tom Cruise 20 years ago they were almost at an even level, Cruise had Risky Business, Kilmer had Top Secret!, Cruise had Legend, Kilmer had Willow. Even though Tommy boy was gaining critical acclaim for Rain man, A Few Good Men & that soppy vampire shit.

Kilmer was holdings his own in Heat, playing Jim Morrison & Batman. It all went tits up for Kilmer in the mid 90s. Both of them stared in big screen remakes of 60s TV series (both with dodgy rubber mask/disguises).

Anymore fat jokes Im going to eat you

Unfortunately for Kilmer, while Cruise got Mission: Impossible (1996) and along with it a multimillion dollar franchise that has lasted 20 years Kilmer had the turkey fuck of a movie in The Saint (1997) which not only nosedived his career but dragged Elizabeth Shue with him. “Even in Top Gun the little mad scientologist shitbag got the lead” – (Genuine made up quote)

Overall: Not terrible for a beyond the grave revenge story with a twisty little ending but it could have been a looooooooot better if they didn’t hit you in the face with a plot so fucking obvious and you have to trawl through it to get to a twist.

Director: Michael Oblowitz Cast: Val Kilmer, Dylan Neal, Paul McGillion, Camille Sullivan, Nels Lennarson.

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